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RetroRants – A Revelation!

(Originally posted on August 3, 2006)

Hello once again, mother fuckers and mother fuckettes. I trust the day is treating you better than it is me. I’m not going into any more detail than that, but let’s just say it’s one of those weeks that makes one wonder what’s so wrong with euthanasia.

Anyway, getting on with this shabang, I am sitting here in my office, as if that’s anything new, and I am listening to quite possibly one of the greatest bands to ever rock the fuck out of God’s green Earth: Skid Row. So I’m sitting here working on this damn paper, which only gets more and more frustrating with each passing moment, and I’m trying to dull the pain in my eyes by soothing my ears with the lovely dulcet tones of the immortal Sebastian Bach.

My frustration grows as my work continues, and my iTunes moves from Skid Row, their debut album, to Slave To The Grind, which for those of you who are unaware, is the album responsible for ripping more new assholes per capita than any other CD ever released in North America. True Story.

Anyway, I’m listening to Slave, and my mind starts wandering, likely to try to clear my head of the pure evil reverberating against its walls as my eyes are beginning to melt out of their sockets. I start thinking about a whole load of things that have been going on in life of late, the last few months or so, and I just get in one of those moods.

You know the kind of mood I’m talking about. The “F that in the A” mood. I have a lot of those anymore.

Anyway, my thoughts race, my mood sours, my work looms, my brain hurts, my eyes melt, and begin contemplating how much it would hurt to just ram the pen on my desk straight through my left eye, hopefully scratching the itch that has begun to gnaw away at my cerebellum. Then, suddenly on my iTunes comes the single most uplifting song I’ve heard in months. Maybe it’s the timing, maybe it’s the content, maybe it’s a sign from God, or maybe it’s all of the above. Whatever it is, it’s my new song-of-the-moment, and for those of you who haven’t heard it, which you all should since it is a glorious tune, the lyrics follow.

Skid Row – “Get The Fuck Out”

Your jokes ain’t funny and there’s nothin’ you say that I wanna hear,
The sound of the door slammin’ your ass out is music to my ears.
If I can’t beat you, then I’m gonna beat you… to a pulp…
So can the TV rays and take my tonsil glaze right down your throat.

You’re standin’ too close, what the fuck’s with you?
You ain’t my old lady and you ain’t a tattoo.
No need to whimper, no need to shout.
This party’s over so get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out!

Well I puke, I stink, bitch get me a drink, ’cause I m payin’ for the room.
I ain’t buying breakfast, so keep your mouth busy and wrap your lips all around my attitiude.
Take a walk with me with your triple double Ds and your 40 foot ‘do.
Why you walkin’ funny? You must have spent some time with the boys in the crew.

You’re standin’ too close, what the fuck’s with you?
You ain’t my old lady and you ain’t a tattoo.
No need to whimper, no need to shout.
This party’s over so get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out!

You know what I’m sayin?
Fuck you if you can’t take a joke.

The morning’s comin’, and this is my bed.
If I find you here when I wake up,
The maid is gonna find me dead.

You’re standin’ too close, what the fuck’s with you?
You ain’t my old lady and you ain’t a tattoo.
No need to whimper, no need to shout.
This party s over…
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!

See? Isn’t that the greatest thing you’ve ever heard?

Now, before anyone goes all feminazi on my white ass, allow me to point out that I am not sexist or misogynistic or anything like that. Not in the least, actually. It’s just that this song struck a chord deep within the cockles of my blackened heart this morning. It’s more of a euphemism for my attitude on life in general right now, not women in particular. Life has just been this huge whore that I really want to get the hell off my back. For real.

Although I do have to admit the chorus parts do reflect my feelings toward a couple of specific women in particular. For some reason there’s a couple of chicas who all of a sudden over these last few months seem to think that they’re central to my existence and can make decisions regarding my life, or hold court over the decisions I make for myself. I think that’s what drew me to the song first, just those few lines representing exactly how I feel toward a couple of members of the fairer sex.

I won’t name names or anything like that because I’m way too fucking classy for that shit, but I do have to say that kind of thing puts me in a real “F that in the A” kind of mood right quick. No one runs my life but me, and even though it took me a long time to realize that, you best believe now that I have, I am not letting anyone else start dictating to me how I should live and what I should do. Least of all these women (and yes, there is more than one) who can barely make up their own minds about what it is they want out of their own lives.

This party’s over, so get the fuck out.

Stay Metal, non-gender-specific fuckers.

M

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Thursday, September 30th, 2010 at 11:01 pm • Blast From The Past, Ranting and RavingRSS 2.0 feed Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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