Enter The Dream Realm Vol. 68 – The Rant Zone: The Hardy Zombie Apocalypse

Volume Sixty-Eight

The Rant Zone: The Hardy Zombie Apocalypse


I want to preface this by stating some things up front. I am a fan of Matt Hardy. I am a fan of Jeff Hardy. I find that they are entertaining to watch when they wrestle, and are capable of putting on decent matches. They are good workers, and oftentimes have gone the extra mile in putting their well-beings on the line to give the fans memorable moments.

That said, I think it’s just about time that these two Boyz shut the fuck up.

Let me touch on Jeff first. Aside from the fact that his heel turn is completely nonsensical, which is a fact that Hustle analyzed extremely well this past week in his column (Click HERE to read; Day 283), allowing Jeff the face time and opportunity to put said turn over is simply a mistake of epic proportions. When Jeff is a face, he goes overboard trying to be mysterious and eclectic, and really only comes across as an angsty teenage douchebag who never took the opportunity to progress beyond high school emo poetry. Some of the shit that spews out of his mouth on his best days makes one of The Ultimate Warrior’s political rants sound articulate and logical.

Now, they’ve thrust him into the role of being the bad guy, which unfortunately for him is a role that requires acting ability. Acting ability that genetically is not part of the Hardy gene pool. He’s resorting to the typical “Eff the fanz, no rly!” heel lines, but isn’t even capable of making them sound realistic when he says them. I understand that he can do some pretty awesome maneuvers from time to time, and can be exciting to watch when he wrestles, but where did the collective boner that so many people have for this guy come from? He uses body paint in a similar manner that pre-schoolers use finger paints, comes out looking like an unemployed house painter, and humps the air erratically with no real sense of rhythm, pointing his fingers at his mouth as if we wrestling fans don’t know where the dick goes.

I don’t understand why dressing like a teenage emo girl and playing the part of “the misunderstood artist” has gained him such a rabid following.

Jeff, I’m sorry to say, but Raven did it better. And he’d STILL probably beat your ass.

Aside from his storylines, angles, and work-related issues that I might have with him at the moment, it’s his “shoot” comments that I really want to address. He’s gone on record now saying that the WWE’s handling of his brother Matt was extremely poor, and they treated him like shit while he was there. This is where I have to call bullshit on Jeff, and kindly ask him to sit the fuck down.

Matt Hardy has also spent more than his fair share of time lately complaining about the WWE and doing his best with his YouTube account and recent behavior to basically get himself fired. He has also complained about not getting the respect and opportunities that he deserves, and wanted his release so he could start the next chapter of his life and his career. Matt, kindly take a seat next to your brother and shut your fucking trap.

You want to talk facts? FACT: Matt and Jeff Hardy owe everything that they are and everything that they think they are to the WWE. Without their time in the big leagues, no one outside their little southern home town would even have a clue who the hell they are. Let them complain about their handling, and how the WWE has made targets of their personal lives and problems all they want to. The fact is that they made a damn good living and agreed to it every step of the way.

Now Matt has gotten what he asked for and is free from the clutches of the evil WWE. He will likely soon make his way into TNA, as just about every other former WWE employee, sorry… Every former WWE Independent Contractor has done. There’s a higher chance of this because of his association with Jeff and the way he went about demanding his release on the internet so he can go to TNA to be with his brother. I can understand the desire to want to move on, perhaps to reunite with Jeff, and to try to start fresh when you feel like you’re stagnating, but the way he went about it was simply a bitch move.

But it’s a bitch move that he has history with and has worked for him before.

Matt has shown a propensity for taking to the internet when he gets bitchy and spilling his dirt for others to see so they can sympathize with him. Simply put, Matt Hardy is a drama queen that needs an audience. Whenever anything doesn’t go his way, he grabs his webcam or his laptop, and spills his little emo guts out for the world to read, and he sits back and soaks up all the support and sympathy he can get.

I will remind you now that I do like Matt Hardy. I like him when he is being real and genuine; his latest video where he discusses Lita is an example of what I mean. For the most part, he comes across as very genuine, and when just being himself, he’s actually not that bad. But the instant he feels the need for some reason to jump into character, it all goes downhill because of the aforementioned lack of acting ability in his genetic framework. When he goes on his little tirades like the ones he has given lately, and the ones he posted during the whole Edge/Lita thing, he goes overboard and just becomes fake. I understand that there may be a core of true feeling there, but his desire to amplify them and be over-dramatic makes it obvious that he’s doing it for attention.

Make no mistake: Matt Hardy is an Emo Drama Queen Attention Whore.

I truly wish him the best in life, and I hope he has nothing but success in everything he tries. But dude needs to shut the fuck up and let his work speak for itself. Unless, of course, he’s afraid it can’t…

His Net Whoring has worked for him, though, as it has garnered him quite the rabid cult fanbase of internet fans that stand behind him in everything, no matter how ridiculous, and take his word as gospel like he is the infallible fourth coming of Christ. These people defend him in the face of “the haters” and are very outspoken about the way the WWE has squandered what they feel is their greatest commodity in Matt Hardy.

As much as I want Matt Hardy to shut the fuck up, these Hardy Zombies are even worse.

Once Matt began talking and posting in an anti-WWE bent, these people took up the banner right behind him and spread those words like a virus. Ordinarily I would call them sheep, just following the opinions of their falsely worshiped idol, but it has gone beyond that. These zombies have started spewing their opinions so fervently they could be mistaken for Mormon Missionaries. They’re seeking to spread their disease to others who are gullible enough to accept the infection, and thereby bring about the Hardy Zombie Apocalypse.

Matt Hardy may be a relentless attention whore, but you Hardy Zombies are feeding that need and making it even worse. I kindly invite you to sit the fuck down next to your idol and observe a moment of silence while I take your asses to school for a moment.

You people who have drunk Matt Hardy’s KoolAid have taken Matt’s (and Jeff’s) words and spewed them back at every opportunity, seemingly without taking the time to sit back and think about what it is you are saying. I have seen so many people saying that the WWE treated Matt badly, and never gave him his due while he was with the company. So many posts saying that the WWE held Matt back and didn’t let him show his true potential. I have a question for all of you who say these things:

What world have you been living in?

Honestly, how did the WWE treat Matt badly? Because he wasn’t World Champ? Before anyone takes exception to this, no. The WWECW title is NOT a real World Championship. Thank you, drive through.

If not winning a World Title is the definition of being treated badly, then you must realize that MOST wrestlers end up being treated badly, right? Jake Roberts, Ted DiBiase, Owen Hart, Roddy Piper… All guys who were worlds beyond Matt Hardy in terms of drawing power and talent, and yet were never World Champs, so they too must have been treated badly. Not to mention Mr. Perfect, Arn Anderson, Scott Hall, and Paul Orndorff. What about Hardcore Holly? Shelton Benjamin? Goldust? Ahmed Johnson? Steve Blackman? Aldo Montoya? Kenzo Suzuki? Were all of these guys mistreated because they didn’t win World Titles?

By definition, the World Titles are meant to be the pinnacle of the business and show that the holder is one of the best in the world. Not everyone should crack that list, nor should they. No, it’s not a perfect system, and there are people who have won a World Title that shouldn’t have, and even more that haven’t won one that should have, but crying foul because you haven’t been a World Champ is just a bitch move. Roddy Piper should have the market cornered on bitterness in that department, and even he has said that he didn’t need any championships. He had gotten over as one of the biggest stars in the industry without needing any gold around his waist. So did Jake Roberts and Ted DiBiase.

It’s a shame Matt Hardy can’t do the same, isn’t it?

Some people have claimed that the WWE has treated Hardy badly because he lost matches, didn’t get pushed at times, etc. Some have even mentioned his loss to Zach Gowen, the one-legged wrestler, and said that it was inexcusable. First of all, it was booked as a fluke win, which can happen any time and help keep things exciting. Second of all, Gowen was involved in a major storyline at the time that included some of the biggest names in the WWE. He was in the middle of an inspirational push that needed a high profile win, and Hardy served that purpose well. If Hardy had crushed Gowen, how many of you would have taken to your keyboards and cried about that?

I’m guessing none.

Matt Hardy received national television exposure on a regular basis and collected a lot of cash doing so, as according to his own words, he has gotten quite wealthy from working for the WWE. Hell, they even paid for his time off, surgery, and recovery when he had the abdominal problems. I don’t see the argument there for the company having treated him poorly. Just like every other wrestler on the roster, he has won some, and he has lost some. Claiming he was mistreated for losing matches, not winning the World Title, or not being “handled properly,” whatever the fuck that means, is ludicrous. (That last one I addressed in my last column, which can be found BY CLICKING HERE or BY CLICKING HERE.)

It’s ridiculous to say that Hardy got treated badly because he lost matches. That’s what happens in wrestling. People lose. Do you think Matt lost more than many others? No, he didn’t. He didn’t get a major run at the top of the company, but in all honesty, if I were running the WWE, I wouldn’t trust him in that kind of position. He’s too much of a liability with the way he spills all his shit on the internet. The last thing I would want to have happen is for him to be in the spotlight and get all pissy over something not going his way and going all emo on the internet about it. Not only does it make him look like an ass, but if he were the champion at the time, it would also make the company look bad. Simply put, it would not be a smart investment for them to make.

Ask yourselves this question honestly: If he hadn’t made himself the internet sensation he became by talking directly to the fans, how many people would actually care about him? Matt Hardy is a decent wrestler. He’s far from the best, but he can hold his own. He’s capable of putting on a decent match, has a few cool moves, and can take a good bump. His mic work is not in the top 75th percentile, or what one might call “good.” He is, however, almost approaching something that could be someday considered ok on the microphone, but he’s still got a long way to go. He is good at getting the crowd behind him in his matches, and can be exciting to watch at times. In the sense of talent and skill and ability to work, do you know who else that describes?

Scotty 2 Hotty.

Scotty is actually quite a good wrestler, gimmick and poor mic skills aside, and never fails to involve the crowd in his matches. But you want to talk about Matt Hardy being treated badly? At least Matt was allowed to win matches. Ever.

Gimmick-wise, Hardy has had it much better than someone like Scotty ever did. In fact, I will go so far as to say that the Sensei of Mattitude, Matt Hardy Version 1, was quite possibly one of the best gimmicks in the last decade, as is evidenced by the fact that Chad STILL jacks the V1 trademark. (Much love.) It was a great gimmick, made even better by the catchphrases, and especially the Matt Facts on the TitanTron during his entrances. I do believe that gimmick and the push that went along with it should have taken him straight to the top of the company.

But it didn’t. Not because he wasn’t pushed, because he was. Not because he was held back or not given the opportunity, because he WAS given the opportunity. He put on his standard fare of good matches, but every time he went on the mic, he killed it. Not the good kill, like a comedian who rocks the audience, but the bad kill, like sucking the life out of a crowd. His lack of mic skills and promo ability are his primary weaknesses. These are the things holding him back, not some mysterious “they” in the WWE.

“Matt has never been given his due. He’s always been disrespected by the WWE. He never got the push he deserved. He was never handled properly.” And, of course, my favorite: “Matt delivered some of the most must-see wrestling (the Hardy/Edge/Lita angle) and revitalized the tag division in the late 90′s and got squat as a singles star.”

Really? I mean, really? Look at his stats, people:

* WWF/E/World Tag Team Championship (7 times – 6 w/ Jeff; 1 w/ MVP)
* WCW Tag Team Championship (1 time – w/Jeff)

* ECW Championship (1 time)
* WWF European Championship (1 time)
* WWF Hardcore Championship (1 time)
* WWE Cruiserweight Championship (1 time)
* WWE United States Championship (1 time)

Now, I don’t know about you, but I think that’s an awful lot of championships for someone who was never pushed or given any opportunities.

It’s about time that this Apocalypse that you Hardy Zombies are trying to spread gets the much-needed shotgun blast to the face that it deserves, so consider me a white Ving Rhames, mother fuckers. Matt Hardy in many ways is his own worst enemy, and has done more to hold himself back than anyone else possibly could. The fact of the matter is that Matt was given quite a few opportunities to step it up and show the company that he was capable of carrying the ball. Instead of doing so, however, he continued to suck worse than cancer of the nuts on the mic and air all his dirty laundry in public. No sane promoter would put him in the top slot with that kind of track record.

Which is why he’s going to TNA to finally win that big one. Best of luck, Matt. Go get ‘em, Tiger.

Tags: , , ,

Sunday, October 17th, 2010 at 5:23 pm • ETDR, Ranting and Raving, WrestlingRSS 2.0 feed Both comments and pings are currently closed.

2 Responses to “Enter The Dream Realm Vol. 68 – The Rant Zone: The Hardy Zombie Apocalypse”

  1. [...] Enter The Dream Realm Vol. 68 – The Rant Zone: The Hardy Zombie Apocalypse [...]

  2. [...] ETDR 68 – The Rant Zone: The Hardy Zombie Apocalypse :: | [...]